Blooming

img (c) ClipArt

   I started this blog on the 7th of February 2017 with a post called Sprouting. This was at a time where I felt better than I had for a long time, but also much more uncertain and insecure than I feel right now. When I look back at the journey I have made throughout this blog, I feel like I'm growing and stretching out. I feel like moments of contentness are weaving their way through my life at a higher frequency than ever before. My circumstances haven't changed that much, but my mindset has. This is not to say I don't still have my bad moments, but they are much more fleeting.  I am more confident in who I am and who I don't have to be. I'm still a shrInking violet, and what is so wrong with that?

   I currently have a lot of things going on, and I plan to write more specifically about those things in the future. I hope to write a post for undergraduates currently embarking on their first year and I also want to address fellow migraineurs. Although I'm happier right now, the migraines are getting worse and an outlet is very much needed. I haven't been able to draw for a long time and my crocheting has also taken a bit of a back-seat (don't even get me started on books and video games), because in September I started a PGCE and my new job as a graduate teacher. The concept of free time has been slightly out of reach since then, but now that I'm more settled I'm finally finding a routine which helps me find pockets of time for myself. Today is one of those days. I'm celebrating a successfully completed observation by having a relaxing day (ignoring the fact I have a dentist appointment later).

   This morning I watched the new trailer for Dumbo (2019), a highly-anticipated remake from Tim Burton. I cried watching it. Despite my degree giving me handfuls of reasons to be highly critical of Disney, and believe me I am, I still find comfort and happiness in the stories because of the nostalgia they bring. They are such a big part of my childhood, and just hearing the music from Dumbo brings tears to my eyes every time.

   I took a break from writing this to make some lunch. My stomach was growling unbearably because I couldn't eat much yesterday. In the spirit of healthy eating, I'm now eating a cheesy pasta Mugshot because it took 5 minutes to be ready to eat. It's not grate (ba dum tsh), but it'll do the job.

   I think my desire to write a post today is because today I feel really good. Today my head isn't sabotaging itself. Today is a day I want to note down as a snapshot, a checkpoint. Sometimes I hear a song I haven't listened to for a while, and it transports me back to that time. All the feelings I was having at that time come flooding back to me, and it's a powerful experience. I'm going to document my current life landscape in music right now so I can look back and feel this time again in the future.

Love It If We Made It - The 1975

I have an on-and-off/hit-and-miss relationship with The 1975, but I have been listening to this song on repeat for days. I literally cannot stop. If you can, watch the video but BE WARNED: video contains bright, flashing colours/lights and could trigger seizues.

This Is Me - The Greatest Showman

I haven't even watched this film yet, but my partner showed me this knowing that I would love how cheesy and uplifting this is. 

Why Can't We Be Friends? - The Academic

GIMME SOME TEENAGE ANGST

This Is America - Childish Gambino

I never want to forget this.

Warning: violence and mad dance moves

Buttercup - Hippo Campus

This just makes me feel fluffy and wanna dance and wanna lie in the sun.

Clementine - Sarah Jaffe

Clementine sparks a lot of emotion in me for reasons that I will never share, but are so important to my recovery.

She - Alice Phoebe Lou

freedom

Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken - P!nk

Need inspiring? Say no more.

No Halo - Sorority Noise

Um this whole album but I'll just post one

Take care tulips x

When One Book Closes, Another Opens

Hey daisies,

Hope you're all comfortable.
I wanted to say that I hope you're all well, but maybe you're not doing so well. I always think that if you're going to feel sad, you may as well do it comfortably. If nothing else, I like to control my atmosphere. So sometimes clean sheets and a cup of tea are the strings that make everything feel like it's going to be okay.

This theory has served me well this academic year, as it's been a particularly stressful time. My final year at university was t o u g h. This year has been rewarding and enjoyable and exciting at times, but so, so tough. Life Happened, and I was left wondering what it could possibly do to me next. My personal life and my academic life both presented me with many challenges, and I'm very proud to say that I overcame them all.

Another thing which has guided me this year is the support of those around me. I am incredibly lucky to have a loving and supportive network of family, friends and my amazing partner. I appreciate them all so much. In addition, the staff at my university have been nothing short of wonderful and I truly would not have done as well as I have without their help.

A close friend of mine recently shared with me that they re-read my blog often and that it helps them to feel better when they are anxious. Similarly, other friends have expressed that they sometimes come back and read my blog to ease their fears. I want to take this opportunity to thank you all so much for encouraging me to keep going, to keep working and to keep pushing forward. It is a dream to know that my words help others. This has inspired me to start thinking about new ideas for blog posts this summer.

I have so much planned for the future and I can't wait to get started. University Vol. 3 closes, and a brand new adventure opens, which someday I will close and name as another book of my life. A year ago I was so scared to leave university because I didn't know what the future would hold, and now I couldn't be happier to explore something new.  In the mean time, before my new adventure begins, you will find me reading, crocheting, watching films and hopefully playing some video games too. A very much needed break! Hoping to start blogging again soon ready for a relaxing summer.

Take care tulips.